Sick Month of April

That is right. All three of us, my husband, me and my baby all down with flu. And who gets the worst sickness? Me. I was so dissappointed because I thought I have a better immune system.

I have never thought that being a stay-at-home mum could be this tough when one is sick. I was so sick that I just want to curl up on the bed and sleep the whole day. But that cannot happen because I have to cook, clean and take care of the family. For that few days I only get to do minimal things like cook for my baby, clean up my baby's mess, cook dinner and pop VCDs for my baby to watch. I know he must be very bored and angry as to why his mum didn't play with him for that few days. Poor darling!

I thought I have a better immune system that I restrict myself from going to the clinic and rely solely on Manuka honey. It come to a point where my throat worsen that it feels too tight to shove down any food. Then later I shed pus at the corner of my eyes and I can't sleep because of the sickness and because I scared my two year old will be as worst as me. Turn out he has a very mild flu whereas later I had to see the doctor and was told I had a fever. I feel so defeated when I have to visit the doctor over some flu, a serious one and it also prove that my experiment on manuka honey fails. Well, I should think that manuka honey is still great. Maybe its because I ran out of it fast that I tend to take less teaspoon.

So, after two weeks recovering, I am down with a cold. But this time I recover fast enough taking more frequent manuka honey and bought a new one. This time with a stronger UMF 30+.

Do You Read Alfred Hitchcock?

Today I felt that I'm back at my old school days reading mystery books. I have read Nancy Drew, Secret Seven, Famous five in my teenage days and only now I read Alfred Hitchcock and I am glued to it. Sometimes it is enjoyable to read children or teenagers books because they give me the feeling that life is simple and carefree and you can just forget how complicated life is. I wonder whether teenagers these days do read mysteries or books at all!

With all the attraction of electronic games from Ipad, Xbox and PS and the world of information from the internet, it is really hard to get one to read nowadays. I ask my brother once whether he has been reading books and he says that he don't anymore. He reads more from blogs and surfing the net for information.



Tags: Alfred Hitchcock, Mystery Books

Tree Hugging a Noble Thing To Do

It was on the Star Metro today which published a man hugging a tree to avoid the city council from chopping down trees that are as old as 35years. I think it is a noble thing to do. read the article.

If everyone shared the same compassion and appreciation towards the environment, I would certainly think that we don't have to worry about the weather changes, the flood and other natural disaster which could wipe us out one day.

The earth is certainly very ill for the lack of forests, trees and the heaps of garbage that is choking the earth. I just found out that we are so lucky to be living in this part of the country where we have the convenience of cooking using a gas stove.

But things are not the same with the third world country. In these countries, they have to walk miles to search for wood to build fire and cook.  When they couldn't find wood, then, animal dung and crops were used to supplement it. And mind you that the forests that we have in the developing countries are shrinking by more than 15 hectares a year.

So, I think we will have to be mindful of the trees around our neighbourhood and protect them from chopping down.


Tags: trees, chopping down trees, environment.

Zombie Push Cart

I was at the vegetable stall looking for some parsley when I feel a tug or someone trying to push my handbag which was at the back of me. I turned around and saw a lady in her 60’s trying to push her cart in between me and another cart. I thought she was rude because she could have open her mouth and say “excuse me” rather than keep on pushing as though she is trying to clean a gunk of sewage from the water pipe. Lucky my bag didn’t get snapped from me. I said “Hey” and she still keep on pushing without looking at me. For a second I thought she must have come out from the zombie land or maybe suddenly I turned into a super powerful “Invisible Woman” (that will be nice but not in this circumstance) because she never looked at me once. Her face is cold and expressionless and she looked straight ahead as though everybody else is invisible.

So I just forcefully pull my bag and walk out of it to give her way and still she doesn’t look at me. That is so plain rude.

A nice looking auntie like her with spectacle and decently dressed really deceive people into thinking she is a nice and polite lady with a lot more civility than most of the young people here. But turn out she is the other kind.

I mean I always thought that the older we got the wiser we will be and of course when it comes to simple rules of politeness it is an easy finger snapping task.

I know I couldn’t avoid people like that but I do hope it’s only 1% in the world and it is not growing like cancer.




Tags: rude people, push cart, shopping centre

"Sushi" Dog Abusers...Are they Barbarians or Psychos?

I was just about to blog about the unpleasant feeling about pets being exhibited in shopping malls and being poked by onlookers and then I came about a video of "Sushi" a brown poodle dog being abused by the owner and they have got the guts to video shoot the whole abuse.What are they? psychos? I am sick to my tummy that I can't watch it further. I just don't understand why people could do such a thing to an animal who doesn't speak, who yelps at being slap and thrown across the room .....this is tragic...I imagined myself in "Sushi" 's predicament and to go through it everyday is excruciatingly painful. I sure hope that something could be done to these folks. Maybe throw them in jail for 2 years or send them to a mental rehabilitation. It seems that the punishment under the Malaysian Animals Act 1953 is too lenient (fine of RM200 or 6 months or both). My whole day is affected by that video. It is horrible!

Just few days ago, I went to Tropicana shopping mall and saw that there is a pet exhibition in the centre court and they exhibited mostly puppies. I regreted ever being there because I feel disgusted by adults prying their fingers into the cages and poke at the puppies. It is terrible. I mean I feel terrible looking at that poor darling curled up in the cage feeling vulnerable and having people poking it is certainly a torture. Can you imagine you are that puppy being poke at the whole day? Obviously, we need some education about how to be gentle to these creatures. I mean they are living creatures too which granted them every right to be treated with gentle and respect.

Sign up a petition to take action against Sushi's abusers: http://www.petitiononline.com/SOSSushi/petition.html

Links to Sushi's news:

http://www.examiner.com/dog-rescue-in-tacoma/15-minute-youtube-video-of-graphic-animal-abuse-instantly-outrages-millions?CID=examiner_alerts_article&cid=parsely#parsely







Tags: Sushi, Brown poodle dog, dog abusers, Malaysia, SPCA

Putting My 100%

Is that achievable? I mean being a mom, wife, daughter, can I give my 100% each to my husband, my baby, parents and what now seems to be my slow earning income potential? It’s a mixed feeling. I am anxious to know what the result will be and impatient when things get stalled. Sometimes I think I am about to hyperventilate when I think I have to do so much but time and money seems to be the problem.


Everyday is like a running race….

I have to manage my mini online business,

cook early in the morning,

put on fresh diapers whenever my baby filled up the diapers,

play with him, sing to him,

read to him,

crack my head as to what other ways to entertain him…

why is he whining ? Has he got bored with his toys?

Then he wants to have a hug, then her wants his daddy.

Husband come back and we had a brief conversation….get baby to drink his milk…get baby to brush his teeth…

write with little time I have and go to bed everyday thinking that I still have a lot to do.

Is that a way I’m putting my 100%?


Whatever it is I am going to continue to metamorph myself into a super human and get my 100% for everyone including myself. Hopefully I don’t get busted like a deflated punctured tyre!

Geoff Thompson in his book “The elephant and the twig” says something like this or what I interpret it as: That a dream only stays a dream if we didn’t take any action because of fear. If we take the courage to take a step into action and in the end, if the action didn’t become fruitful it means we are not putting enough. It also means that the 100% is yet to be achieved. So it tells us that we have to work harder until we reach that 100%. I think Geoff Thompson is a great motivator. You should read his book and appreciate his powerful mind.





 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Tags: 100%, achievement, mom, wife, daughter, self improvement,motivation,Geoff Thompson

Do you see what I see in pigeons?

It is not just the art of pecking on the grains that gives me the satisfaction that the pigeons appreciate the hand that feeds life to it, but they are my inspiration.

An inspiration that comes from a memory I have about a friend whom I haven’t acquainted for a long time. I use to watch her feed the pigeons and she diligently feed them whenever she is at our college. I see her as a perfect woman, the woman I aspire to be. She is beautiful, slim, polite, kind to animals; sew her own clothes, attentive during her class, well liked by our lecturers, a good student, able to work and study at the same time. She showed me that we all can be what we can be if we truly believe that we can be. The word Perfect is not a farce or a make believe but it actually exist.

How many of us who have walked through the journey of our life and not suffer a single prick to our feet when we step on sharp edges stones? And how we are beaten when it seems that our hope is too far to reach? So how do we get to where we want to be without the tears and the feeling of hopelessness? It is all about finding inspiration after inspiration that motivates us to see what we want to see and cover the pain that comes with it. Inspiration keeps our life beautiful and powerful. And this is what I have in mind when I feed the pigeons.




















Tags: pigeons, motivation, inspiration

Chubby chub, Saggy chest and wobbly arms

That is what happens for a mommy who breastfed for almost a year (and 3 months to be exact), have not been working out and have been putting my own “self” behind other things.

I get wobbly arms or in my own terms “aunty bye bye arms”. Do you know how I got this term? Well you will notice if you are observant enough that when some aunties wave their arms saying goodbye to you, some of them (I am one of them) may have their flabby arms flapping at you at the same time. Well sometimes I wave in front of the mirror to see how serious it gets. Boy! Once I take a look at it, I think my flabby arms are mature enough to take off like a squaking duck.

Other than my wobbly arms my poor breasts are suffering too. They are de-motivated, deflated and sagging. I wonder how low can it sag when I am in my 40’s? LOL

Oh dear, no wonder a lot of moms are crying for a makeover. I think more to “overhauling” especially after the production of a few babies …… your eyelashes wear off, your skin chapped, your beautiful locks turn coarse and thinning; there is apparently sagging skin.


Seriously for once I really need to get to work on emergency steps.


Here is what I’m going to do. ……exercise!


Saw this on youtube:



Video credit: Charliejames1975




Video Credit: Steady Health



Video credit: videojugbeauty

After I move, I will be able to continue my yoga at home. Have you try this video at home?


click image if you like.



This video is awesome because in one week I can feel my body getting into shape but I suffered from body aches at the first start of this workout.







Tags: postnatal, body work out, yoga, exercise,sagging breasts, sagging skin

Mommy at home doing the sales talk

It just struck me when I am spoon feeding little Marc that I imagined myself as a sales lady wearing an apron, a small cup containing milk on my hand and flashing my robotic fake smile saying "try milk, try milk, buy milk, buy milk". I guess I am associating myself feeding little Marc with sales talking him into finishing his food.


I hear myself repeatedly saying "mam mam" (meaning to say eat your food) to little Marc as though I am selling my food. Ohh and that is not it, if the food is not colorful enough or not up to his taste, he will not open his mouth anymore for another spoonful, as though he is telling me to come next time with better things to sell.

But because I am his mother, he will entertain me with a few spoons before turning them away.

This tells that there is no escape from the art of selling even when we are minding our children. Maybe I should go and get myself a book on that subject.  :)

Reasons to blog

The first time I created this blog I have no directions and purpose as to what I am going to write. But as I slowly move on, my reasons for blogging become clearer. Here are my reasons to blog:

1) It’s therapeutic to blog about what comes to mind as though what I felt is heard and acknowledged. Spiritually I am not a strong person. So if I get negative and I write positive thoughts, I become a better person.

2) Share with you my opinions and my rants in life. A space for me to generate more friends and I welcome comments from all of you.

3) Keep my mind occupied and evading my mind from drifting off to unnecessary thoughts.

4) To have my life documented and hope that one day I can share my blog with my children. As people say life is short, you never know what might happen along the journey. Have you read “The Last Lecture” written by Randy Pausch? It’s a wonderful book that makes you appreciate life more. Though he is no longer in this world but he documented a book about himself for his children; describing his childhood and his life so that his three lovely children are able to grow up knowing the kind of person their father was. If you want to know, he died of pancreatic cancer in 2008. A very touching story and Randy is entertaining too with his funny and positive attitude.

5) To strengthen my life purpose. I gain a lot by blogging and writing. Everyday I find a few pieces of me that are going to make a whole picture. :)



Tags: self-help, blogging, Randy Pausch, Life purpose

Are we living in an illusion?

Is it an illusion that we all grew up with the mindset that being wealthy with a big house, an expensive car and achieving all the materialistic elements in life is the road to happiness? I just wonder what is it like being rich and having all. I’m not denying that money plays a part in maintaining our basic needs in life. But is being affluent the end of it as in happily ever after? As in Cinderella’s story depicts a marriage that ends with a happily ever after?


Day after day I’m chasing after money for a house, holiday for my family, toys for my baby, luxury goods and I think the list goes on and on. It seems there is no end and finally I think I have suffocated myself with so many “want” list that I started to question myself as to what is the meaning of life.

Then I read about the life in Gaza after it was seized by the Islamic militant Hamas in 2007. Businesses were shut down by 95% and its people suffer with infrequent electricity, no employment and if lucky people get to work in illegal businesses or spy for Israel just to make ends meet. Everyday the people in Gaza are battling for survival. Extremists roam around the city and will not think a second of killing someone who defy their beliefs. Then I read another news reporting incidences of extremist group propagating our university students in our country and their plans of blowing up places of worship.

All these have led me picturing myself in all this kind of situation where extremist overtaken our country, we are left with no electricity, no water, no job, no food, watching our love ones die and living in fear of being killed anytime. Then I wonder what will happen to our children living in that kind of brutal environment.

The terror of it made me realize that how lucky we are living at this present moment where there is peace and our basic needs are met. It is selfish to think of the luxuries when others are suffering in other parts of the world. It is foolish to chase for things that might not materialize when our happiness is right in front of us. For me my happiness is my family.

The Gaza news has really opened my eyes and it reminds me to always be mindful of my love ones and to fully embrace the moments when I am with them. And be grateful with what I have now.

I have a new mission in life and that is to strip myself against the material world and begin to live my life as simple as can be with an abundance of love.

My quote:

“It takes you to understand what life is when you have nothing with you except for love. When you leave your house, your money and your greed behind then you will come to see the true meaning of life. The greatest meaning of life is to give love and to accept the love that is given. I am truly seeing them now.”






Tags: spiritual healing, money, materialistic, meaning of life, love

The will that drives……

Once again I am on my quest for money making resources on the internet. Seems to me the best option now is writing for some bucks. I don’t know why I am screaming myself to get a job as fast as I can, so one thing led to another.

I found out that to write a good article or content I have to have the right keywords, SEO, social networks etc. My brain is bombarded with too much information that on Friday I suffered some sort of “brain damage”….my brain goes blank the whole day. Don’t know what to do. You know, it’s like for days you have been doing revision for an exam, and when the day finally comes your mind just go blank. This is one of the problems that I have, I am an anxious person.

I figured that I am too new to this internet business. There is so much to learn and absorb that finally I think to myself that I have to calm down and do everything step by step. Maybe it is greed that made me want to succeed at this instant. But I know if I go on like this I will end up not getting anywhere.

I remembered my father use to tell me stories about how people persevere and the will in their heart just drove them high to the world of success. So what is the definition of success? To me being successful is being recognized by myself and the people around me that I have sow the seeds and reap the fruits of my labor.

At this moment I will forget whatever resources I have read through, forget money, forget my stress. I will tell my brain just that. Sometimes the brain needs to be reminded to forget things that are stressful in order for us to breathe.

Dark cloud over my head

Last week is really a bad week for me. I had migraine for 2 days, lost my freelance job, things around me didn’t get better and I am overwhelmed with panic attacks. I panicked for having no job, no security and no money. Anyone will go through this vulnerable stage at some point in time; I just have to be strong and try to fight whatever gibberish is on my head.

Money issues keep on creeping up over me and made me depressed. I try to fight it with any positive reason I could find and found myself defeated again the next day. My emotions are like a rumbling roller coaster ride.

Somehow it just got me to doubt my decision as a stay- at -home mom. I love taking care of my son and there is no other person in this world better for my son other than me, his mother, but I dreaded the fact that I suffer financial dry season.

This is what people said”The grass is always greener on the other side”. Office working mothers envy that stay-at-home moms gets to take care of their own children while stay-at-home moms envy that office working mothers don’t have to worry about their finances.But the fact is we can’t have both sides of the world. Can we? It is never easy for either side of the mothers.

Every time I have this panic issue I felt guilty for my husband. He is the sole breadwinner now and I am not there to shoulder his burden.

Today I learned a lesson and that is not to care what I think others think of me (a burden to my husband) and there are no such thing as permanent in this world. We may have a job now but nothing guarantees that the company that we worked in will keep us forever. So, I have to tell myself that I can’t worry about the future but I have to think what I can do now to make it work in the future.

I just need to look hard in finding another job that gives me the flexibility of working at home and at the same time remind myself that my son and husband are my priority.



********** Perseverance is me and I want a goodnight sleep forever***********

Tattoo

I’ve been wanting to get a tattoo for quite sometime now. I’m still procrastinating for reasons such as whether I can take the pain, whether the injection of the ink is toxic and the effects of it if I’m going to conceive again; what will I look like with the tattoo when I’m in my 80’s.

Anyway, maybe I should try the temporary ones before deciding to get a real one. I’ve found some great designs online, just to share with you some:

 

Anywhere But Here

I’m just like a bird trap in this house
A house I hated most
A house that fill me with bad memories that haunt me day and night,
Feeling of depression, sadness, guilt and anger are all in this house
The only happiness I felt is when I had my son.

I question myself when is the last time I had a good night sleep
I question myself where can I see a bright future ahead of me
I question myself many times why I let things hurt me
I question myself why I made irrational choices
Could I be the same again after what happen?
I think not.

I want to be somewhere
Anywhere but here
Somewhere, where people will understand me
Somewhere, where there is compassionate and respect
Somewhere, where people acknowledge my independence
Somewhere, where I can spread my wings.

It started very cloudy very early in the morning and I thought it was going to rain.Nonetheless, it gets hot later in the afternoon.

I consider today is the most boring and quiet day. Me and my baby didn't have much activity. Probably we had too much adventure yesterday. Yesterday I went back to my parents house and in the morning we had some morning stroll at the park,try to get Marcus some sun. Also, yesterday is the day I receive a lot of viewers from my writing job. So very motivated after a few articles that didn't gain much attention.I got zero viewing mostly. This keeps me ponder about this blog that I'm doing. I haven't have a clear idea as to what should this blog potray. Should it be just my diary? or should it be informative ? informative about how to manage a life as a SAHM? SAHM financial? if you notice I still leave my personal details blank. I am still thinking of the words to put to potray the kind of blog that I'm going to do.

Mundane as it sounds, it is spice with a little frustration being that Marcus doesn't want to eat the food that I cook for him. I prepared for him Hummus sandwiches but he spit out every bite and scrunch it with his hand, mop them on his table and finally threw them on the floor. My heart came crushing down. As though a mother's love being treated like a mop and trash. Oh well couldn't blame him, he is just a baby. Fortunate part is he sip my watercress, carrot and huge red dates soup. Hurrayyyyy!

A Tree: My Life Symbol

I just love to look at trees whenever I can from outside the window. It just gave me peace. A tree just sits peacefully on the ground. Its beautiful branches bloomed with leaves just swayed whenever the wind brushes through. Birds or any other living creatures depend on it as a resting place, a home or a roof against the heating sun. It took a great deal of time for its trunk to grow strong rooted from the ground. No matter how the weather is, the tree will just sit strong on the earth embracing the passing rainbow and thunderstorm.

If you can just take a moment and look at trees and ponder about its existence, you will know that there are many great life lessons to be learned from a tree. I hope I could be a strong tree one day. If we are going through blissfully happy moments, then we have to be mindful that it’s there and cherish it with all our might. If we are going through painful hardships, then we have to be silent and let it passes through.

Recently, the trees where I lived were all cut down to make way for human vehicles. Those trees would have stand rooted for more than thirty years and it just take a few days for them to be cut down. Life is just unfair. A life with its purest heart and grace will be sacrificed for another life that has more crude power. Haven’t they thought that those trees can be moved to another ground? Obviously, the words “love”, “care”, ”selflessness”, “Karma” is obsolete. I believe whoever have a strong valid reason of doing so prevails.

Where is my dream home?

Yesterday I felt somewhat dissappointed because I found my dream house but it was sold. The house is a freehold and has a little garden with a car porch that fits 2 cars. The kitchen was extended with kitchen cabinet and island top. Overall the house looks neat and it's only Rm 340k. I felt like I wanna cry .....but what's the use, I'm not looking hard enough. I just felt stressed out because my baby is going to be one year old and he needs more space than a bedroom to roam.

Finding "me".

I still can't believe that I have an 8 month old son. It's a different "me" from the day I gave birth.I have to rediscover the new "me" , a mother , new priorities, new dreams, new hope, new responsibility. No more the " just do the way I want it, I want to be this sky high" . No more shopping, pretty clothes, pretty me, fashion, travel,career, money.....it's all about breastfeeding day and night, changing baby diaper, make sure he poo poo everyday, make him happy, make sure he's got all the nutrition that he needs, being frugal .Don't get me wrong, I love my baby.... it's just that being a mother is sometimes not an easy task, I have lost myself through these time.