Last week is really a bad week for me. I had migraine for 2 days, lost my freelance job, things around me didn’t get better and I am overwhelmed with panic attacks. I panicked for having no job, no security and no money. Anyone will go through this vulnerable stage at some point in time; I just have to be strong and try to fight whatever gibberish is on my head.
Money issues keep on creeping up over me and made me depressed. I try to fight it with any positive reason I could find and found myself defeated again the next day. My emotions are like a rumbling roller coaster ride.
Somehow it just got me to doubt my decision as a stay- at -home mom. I love taking care of my son and there is no other person in this world better for my son other than me, his mother, but I dreaded the fact that I suffer financial dry season.
This is what people said”The grass is always greener on the other side”. Office working mothers envy that stay-at-home moms gets to take care of their own children while stay-at-home moms envy that office working mothers don’t have to worry about their finances.But the fact is we can’t have both sides of the world. Can we? It is never easy for either side of the mothers.
Every time I have this panic issue I felt guilty for my husband. He is the sole breadwinner now and I am not there to shoulder his burden.
Today I learned a lesson and that is not to care what I think others think of me (a burden to my husband) and there are no such thing as permanent in this world. We may have a job now but nothing guarantees that the company that we worked in will keep us forever. So, I have to tell myself that I can’t worry about the future but I have to think what I can do now to make it work in the future.
I just need to look hard in finding another job that gives me the flexibility of working at home and at the same time remind myself that my son and husband are my priority.
********** Perseverance is me and I want a goodnight sleep forever***********
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